"Lessons from Dad", a Letter to Her Father

I wrote this on Father Day of this year and seeing that my dads death date is coming up in a few days and it seemed fitting. 

Lessons from Daddy: 

Last week I attended a conference titled “Fathers, Be Good to Your Daughter”. It was about the impact and incredibly vital role that fathers have on the development of their daughter’s self-image, emotional stability, happiness, mental growth, and spiritual growth. The goal was to try and debunk or fight the negative connotation that the word “father”, “husband”, and “dad” have in today’s world. In many ways it’s no longer “cool” to be a dad, or to fulfill that responsibility outside putting food on the table, if that. Movies, TV, websites and all other kinds of media take the scared role of father and try to make men look useless, dumb, or incapable of having a role in the development of their children’s lives. As I listened and thought about the person my dad strived to be, I felt impressed to share with you my personal experience with the power a daddy has on his children.

I am the oldest child in my family and when the divorce happened at age 12, the younger kids and I were able to stay with my dad in our home. I was always close to my dad but seeing him have to take on the full role of parenthood made me watch him even closer. These were new waters for us all, and it was my dad who I looked to for direction about what to do and how to handle the pain we all were feeling. Without mom there, dad was the one I ran to for help, direction, advice and comfort. He became an active part in providing not only physically but emotional and spiritually. Growing up, it felt like we tag teamed a lot of things and just as any single parent family, there were stressors put on parent and child that may not have been experienced in a more traditional home. 

Fast forward to when I was 20, I left home to serve a mission for my church, leaving my dad and younger siblings at home. 6 months after leaving, my world was thrown to a halt when after 2 weeks in the ER, my father and hero passed away. Thoughts of the impact my dad had on me have never been so prominent as they have been sense I got that phone call one October night. It is now that I see what my dad taught me, I’d just like to share the few most important lessons.

-        -Daddy taught me who my Heavenly Father is. It was in the quite mornings or late nights that I would walk into his room only to find him in quite communication with his Father in heaven. Seeing dad on bended knee- pleading for me, his child- taught me more than words can tell of the role that God can have in our lives through the good times and the bad.

-       - He taught me it’s okay to cry, to be angry and to hurt. This might sound crazy but it’s not weakness to cry. It’s not weakness to be vulnerable. And it’s not weakness to let others know you feel that way. -A father has a powerful opportunity to teach his children that those feelings are a part of life, but that it is how we react or respond to the feelings that matters. Being able to express yourself in healthy, constructive ways teaches a child because they watch you.

-        -Daddy taught me that I am beautiful. Women and girls often struggle with self-esteem and knowing who they really are. Fathers who compliment their daughters for who they are and the woman on the inside are able to develop strong sense of “me” and seeing themselves for who they are. Beauty can’t be bought or found in a relationship but only developed by self-respect. A father has a unique way of helping his daughters to develop that from the inside out. Dad taught me that a man will never give me that and to find a man who sees that beauty and respects my body the way that I do.

-       - He taught me that nobody is perfect, and that is okay. He had his mistakes and faults too, my father was not perfect. However, he was perfect at trying and I learned that it’s okay to fail. If we say “I am sorry”, ask for forgiveness and do the best we can to make a better choice next time then it’s not a mistake, it’s a learning opportunity and a chance to grow. 

So sense I can’t write my dad a father’s day note and tell him these things, I wanted to send it to you. This is only my story, but you and your child have your own. If it’s not a happy one, then have faith in Christ to change it. I believe in you, but more importantly, your kids believe in you and your Heavenly Father believes in you. Happy Father’s Day. Thanks for being a dad.

I know that you may not have daughters, but I am a daughter and I can only speak from my own experiences. However, you are a son and you had a man that helped bring you into this world. You may be very close to him or you might not know his name; maybe its somewhere in between…however, you know the effect that whatever that relationship is has had on you and I promise you that whatever you experienced in your life with him can be built upon, improved on and YOU can make a change in YOUR child’s life so that one day when your child holds a baby in his arms, your son can look back and say that you did your best and find hope that he can be a good father to his sons and daughters. The change starts with you, and you can do it.

-One Dads “Little Princess”