My Dad Taught Me to Be a Feminist

Do you remember being a kid and dreaming of that day when you were on your own and didn’t have to worry about a thing? Waiting for when you got to leave home and live a life of your own? Most of us do, and I was no exception. After going to some college, I decided to take on a new adventure. I found myself being 21 and living halfway across the U.S., it was new and it was exciting.

With all this excitement though, there also came a stark reality check when I got word that my dad had become ill. In a short amount of time, my adulting experience reminded me that life is short and never guaranteed. My dad's health faded fast, and on a late October night—just a week after his 59th birthday—he passed away.

Having grown up with my dad after my parents split when I was a teenager, we had an unusually close relationship and his passing left a void that was indescribable. It was a different pain than divorce had caused, but it was just as deep. I knew that I would miss him and as anyone can imagine, losing a parent is hard. What I didn’t expect to experience was how much I would need a “father figure” to help fill in a part of that void.

I longed for someone who I could turn to for advice, direction, and counsel. After his passing I felt like I didn’t have anyone who really understood me, nobody to talk to about things that I held close- boys, education, or career, just to name a few.

What was it about having a father active in my life that had such an impact on me as a woman?

First off, it was my father who taught me what it means to be a woman- to value myself as a female.

I remember many daddy-daughter dates with him as I grew up. At the time I thought they were just fun times with dad. However, reflecting after his death I came to realize that he was teaching me to expect real respect from men. He treated me like a princess because he wanted me to know my own worth, and one day have that same expectation of respect from whomever I would marry. He knew that there would be many things pulling for my attention as I got older, and he didn’t want my inner worth to be one of them. He somehow knew that by showing me my worth then, I would not doubt it later.

Second, my dad taught me the value of working hard and earning the things that I really desired whether it was in school, work, or personal goals. He showed me that I am capable of accomplishing great things and motivated me to not give up when something was hard.

Research has shown that girls who have active fathers in their lives experience less abuse, less teenage pregnancy, and greater confidence in themselves as they mature. With 23.6% of children living in father-absent homes¹, there are a lot of kids missing out on that experience and the benefits of having a father figure. But does that just apply to children with biological dads? It certainly helps, but the benefits of an active father figure are not limited to such boundaries.

Before my dad’s passing, I met an older couple—Mike and Annette— who I became very close to. During the weeks and months of tears and change, they stepped in and became a vital part of my life. I got especially close to Mike, and quickly I learned that the power of dads extends far beyond just biological relations.

For months, I found myself calling Mike on a daily basis. Sometimes we would talk, but a lot of the time, we just cried. He was there for me. I learned that this world needs dads who will step in when biological fathers can’t or won't. Good men have a great influence on the world, and daughters—women—need that in their life.

We live in a society that often overlooks the value that men can have in our lives and strength they are to us as women. If we are to be “feminist”, we must recognize and acknowledge that fathers—men— are a huge part of that empowerment.

Good men and father figures who take time to listen to, be with, and encourage girls have the power to change the world because it is through women that the next generation comes into the world.

It is our responsibility as women—and as feminists—to support good men and encourage strong male role models.

We all come from different life experiences and have varying lifestyles but wherever we are in life, we can support fatherhood. Many girls don’t have the same relationship I was able to have with my dad or Mike. If that is you, don’t feel alone. You have such a great opportunity to help others and to encourage men and boys to be strong role models for others.

Mothers, teach your sons to respect, love, and encourage the girls around them.

Sisters, let your brothers know you value it when they are there for you.

Wives, encourage “daddy-daughter time”. Dads who play with and spend time with their children build confidence in them, encourage them to push themselves and be creative.

Daughters, let your dad know you appreciate him. Reach out to him and do what you can to start to build that relationship if it's not there. If you do have a good relationship, let him know how much you value that in your life.

Being a true feminist is not just about being a woman, but recognizing the power that men have to help us reach our full potential as women. My dad did that for me, and Mike has continued to be there, pushing me to reach for my best and achieve new heights which I would not have attempted on my own.

Supporting fatherhood is empowering not just feminists, but women.

Footnotes:

¹(in 2014-U.S. Census (2015)/ National Fatherhood Initiative)

²(Horesh, N., Sommerfeld, E., Wolf, M., Zubery, E., & Zalsman, G. (2015). Father-daughter relationship and the severity of eating disorders. European Psychiatry,30(1), 114-120. doi:10.1016/j.eurpsy.2014.04.004)